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Last week, I was asked an important question by my daughter (the Little Mama). Mothering a newborn and a Terrible-Two-Year-Old sometimes lends itself to a loss of personal identity (not to mention sanity).
Her question?
How do you maintain your identity as a person with other abilities besides mothering?
Identity loss as a mom hits you right smack between the eyeballs in the middle of messy diapers, challenging potty training, and gut-clenching temper tantrums (sometimes by the children LOL).
Even if you’ve always wanted to be a mom, you will experience this at one time or another through the many transitions of parenting.
So let’s cover it briefly, based on my motherhood tenure as well as responses from a recent Instagram poll.
Dear mom: Your mom question answered each Friday! Share on X
How have you maintained your identity as a person since becoming a mom?
1. By reminding myself that my identity is not found in anything besides Christ
Great point! This is should be our foremost thought. Scripture says the believer’s life is hidden with Christ in God.
I identified myself completely with (Christ). My ego is no longer central. ~ Galatians 2:20
Your new life is hidden with Christ in God…meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ ~Colossians 3:3-4
Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. 2 Corinthians 5:17
God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. 2 Corinthians 5:20
{All Scripture quotes taken from The Message}
Don’t gloss over this point! Even if you experience the loss of a job, a friend, a husband, or (God forbid) – a child – your life matters to God! For the believer, your MAIN identity is in Christ. You are His precious daughter, and He loves you unconditionally! Comfort, peace, faith, and spiritual healing, and the personal task of sharing Christ are yours, dear mom.
2. By MAKING time for me!
This was the most popular answer.
For new mothers, this is especially difficult at first. Keeping your head above water and meeting basic needs is the main goal.
Learn to survive, slowly add basic tasks, and accept help. Gradually, you emerge from the newborn fog, and then, you can begin to create small bits of time for yourself.
Return to familiar things you’ve always enjoyed such as:
Reading
Crafting
Spending time with friends
Spending time with hubby
Explore new hobbies such as:
Writing
Blogging
Working from home (if you enjoy blogging, you can work from home via advertising, etc.! – Kill two birds with one stone)!
Exercising (so good for endorphins as well as health!)
Sewing
Crocheting
___________ (fill in the blank – the sky’s the limit!)
Dear mom, how to get your identity back - 7 sanity-saving tips! Share on X
Wrapping it up
1.) Your identity matters. God created you with a need to feel fulfilled.
2.) Placing your heart, mind and soul in His care and at His disposal, recognize your season of life as well as your immediate moments are designed according to His plan. God is working in each second of your life. Acknowledge this, own it, and ask for grace to accept it right now.
3.) Stay in the Word daily (even if you only have a few minutes)
4.) Remain in a constant attitude of prayer and thanks
5.) Enjoy ordinary moments (soft, baby sighs, a toddler’s giggle, a 9 year-old’s new discovery, a teenager’s crazy sense of humor)
6.) Make time for things you enjoy – use nap time, rise early, or wait till kids are in bed – shoot for at least 30 minutes per day.
7.) Try new things (you’ll find this exhilarating!), or return to old, familiar hobbies
I once heard Dr. James Dobson say that a mother needs at least a total of two hours to herself every week in order to avoid burnout.
Guard your “you” time, mama, and don’t feel guilty about it! God cares about you, and wants to see you joyful!
Do you have any suggestions for carving out time for identity? What are some things you do to rejuvenate?
Great tips, Ruthie. It’s so easy to lose sight of the big picture when our work can be so mundane.
I think staying in the Word and having a hobby are so important. As hard as it is, I get up early each morning to make sure I have time alone to read the Bible. I then spend some time working on my blog. I’m blessed that my husband understands how important the blog is to me in terms of giving me something I do for “me” that he is supportive and makes sure I have time to work on it!
Yes, the day to day tasks are indeed exhausting. But time in the Word and a little free time for you is key! I’m glad your husband lends support for your blogging and understand you need that outlet! You do a great job. Keep up those wise words, girl!
I’m sorry. I hate to drop a negative comment on a post that seemingly had helpful intentions.. But this is not a reality for some. For working Mom’s who work opposite shifts as their spouse and don’t have the resources for child care there is absolutely no way this is possible. Also if it were we certainly would not be browsing the internet for answers.
I’m sorry you’re discouraged by this post! That is a tough situation to be in, but I do believe there are ways to seek the Lord even in the most strenuous of situations – it just may look differently for some than others.