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Last week I flew to Florida to join my husband, Jim (who had been here for 2 weeks already). I know, it’s about time, right?!  But he wasn’t in Florida that whole time. 

Here’s how it went down:

     1.  He flew to Florida on Monday

     2.  He flew to San Diego Wednesday

     3.  He flew back to Florida on Friday

     4.  He flew to Colorado the following Monday

     5.  He flew back to Florida on Thursday

     6.  His home office is in Florida – I should have probably told you that back at number 1.

     Here’s how my two weeks went down:

     1.  I stayed in West Virginia

     2.  It was 20 degrees most of the time

     3.  The sun shone one day (it was a big deal – half of West Virginia’s population is depressed because they think there’s no such thing as a sun.)

     4.  I exchanged snow for 65 degree weather AND sun

     5.  As soon as I got here all my friends and family back home turned hateful

     Can you believe that?  They weren’t even glad for me. 

My eldest daughter texted to ask what I was doing and I sent her a picture of myself sitting on the patio in the sun.  “You stink.”   

I kinda think after raising FOUR KIDS and spending a lot of that time single-parenting while Jim traveled (not to mention the fact that I didn’t kill any of them), they should rise up and call me blessed, send me to Florida, AND pack my bags.

     They never do, though.  Huh…

 Jim and I decided to make the most of our weekend, seeing as how we had not been together for 2 weeks and there were no kids around to keep us entertained. 

{Let it be said right now that we miss the kiddos.  We would rather them be here with us.  We miss the good ole days where we used to drag them to theme parks and beaches, searching for public restrooms at every corner and stopping to feed them every 5 seconds.  We miss the whining, burning question, “ARE WE THERE YET?” and the visits to CVS at 2:00 AM because somebody needed anti-diarrhea medicine.  The joys of traveling with kids. 

MISS.THAT.}

A lovely beach walk

 
Jim saw some coral had washed up on the sand that closely resembled deer antlers.

Naturally, he had to take a picture and instagram how he found #sandantlers.

There he is taking a picture of his sand antlers, while I was taking a pic of my “dear”.  That’s our name for each other.  It started in college. 

Last year my kid asked, “Mom, did you ever call dad by his name?” 

“Ummmm….not after the time we had a little disagreement while dating and he said, “Well, DEAR,  what do you think I said?”  

“I don’t know, DEAR, why don’t you say that again?” (Ok, I can’t really remember what the spat was about, it was 29 years ago for crying out loud). 

And so, the tradition continued.  

On our drive to the beach, we spotted a whole bunch of kites!

We took a couple selfies.

“Which picture do you like?”

“Don’t you have any where the water’s not crooked?”  I squinted at the phone camera. 

“The water’s NOT crooked – look, we’re not crooked, we’re standing straight – the world’s not flat, it’s round, that’s why it looks like that in the background”. 

     This is his explanation for everything. 

 

Jim and I have argued about whether stuff is crooked or straight ever since the badminton game back in the summer of ’85 where I said the net was not straight. 

He declared it was and proceeded to show me how, even though I thought it ran catty-cornered across the yard and  I was getting the short end of the stick. 

It turned into a big fight.  I never did understand and he always maintained his stance. 

The same thing happens when we hang pictures.  He immediately knows if it’s crooked – without a level.  

Throughout our many moves, there were equally as many fights about my crooked pictures. 

I finally wised up and the last thing I hung was a shelf in our foyer.  I placed a level right on top so it would be the first thing he saw upon entering. 

He laughed, I retired from hanging pictures, and now that’s his job.

The world is round, and that’s why you will always get a slanted picture of the beach.

THE END. 

Tooling around

I was real proud of myself – turning on my fitness ap to know how far we walked – until I checked it after we’d driven through town. 

We didn’t actually run 10.88 miles that morning (although I would love to be able to say that), we walked two miles and then drove the other 8.88.

After taking a right hand turn, Jim said (in his Clint Eastwood voice), “Right turn, Clyde”.

If you’ve never met my husband, picture a Jim Carrey sort of guy.  King of the one-liners and off-the-cuff wit. 

I don’t even know where he comes up with this stuff but I’m a slower type personality, so naturally we’re polar opposites.  I usually have to think up my jokes ahead of time – not your stand-up comedy type person. 

This is why I write – It gives me more time to make things funny on paper. 

I had no idea why he said “Right turn, Clyde”.  I’ve heard him say it before, just like all the other stuff he says, I just usually don’t pay attention.  

“We shoulda stopped at CD Roma for a slice of pizza.”  (Ever helping me stay on the diet track as he drives slowly past the pizza joint).  “To go with our healthy smoothie?”  I chimed in.  “Yeah – balance it out.”  He added. 

We didn’t stop.  (Go, me!)

(See previous post on me eating healthy and him not really getting the whole point, Diet Woes)

“Man, you are REALLY drinking that shake fast – look how much I’ve got left!  Of course, you take ‘Davis drinks’.”  (My maiden name is Davis and he has always called my sips “Davis drinks” because I sneak large drinks.  My bad.)  

Also, my family likes to fill the cereal bowl to the top with no extra room left for margin in case we drop a few rice crispies over the side from the refrigerator to the table.  That is called a “Davis bowl of cereal”. 

You should see us eat popcorn.  

“Why you gotta always make me feel guilty about that?” 

“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty – I’m just jealous because I get brain freeze!”  Quick (male) thinking.

Whatever.

 I wanted a “Fitbit” to measure my mileage (my walking and running), and let’s face it, I wasn’t doing such a great job with the “fitness pal”. 

Success!!!  This was way lighter than my iPhone, plus it clips to my shirt.  We were in for a mile measuring weekend!!!

As we pulled out of the mall he said, “Wow, that place was PACKED!” 

Silence. 

“Wasn’t it packed?” 

Silence.  “

Yes it was – well I know!!”  He answered himself. 

The man knows me well.  He’s always got plenty of words left to say, and I just kinda run out halfway through the day.  That’s a Davis trait too.  (But only on my dad’s side.)

Fabric store competition

Next stop:  JoAnne’s Fabric.  Because I had been rattling all day about measuring tape. 

I’ve been taking my measurements every Saturday since I began the clean eating challenge, and I left my measuring tape at home. 

{See here – I’ve lost 19 inches since early December!  This makes a lot of sense for a person who is only 5 foot 2 and loses actual pounds at the rate of a snail.  I have lost 8 pounds – but that doesn’t sound near as impressive as 20 inches, now does it?}  

Most men wouldn’t drive their wives to a fabric store just for some measuring tape because she has to log inches every Saturday. 

Most men would also not go IN the store with their wives. 

My man does.

Although he has gotten burned waiting in parking lots of craft stores for me to “run in real quick” and an hour and a half later (while he entertained kids and searched for emergency bathrooms) I’ve come out with 3 packages and 5 new sewing projects (that I never finished). 

So really, he was just protecting his Saturday from being overtaken by a craft project.

We walked in and split up – still in each other’s line of vision, down the perimeter of the aisles.  I saw that look in his eye – the one that says, “I’m gonna beat you to it!” and I picked up the pace.  He did as well. 

Nearing the aisle, I spotted a lady directly in my way and decided to run down the next just in case. 

As I eyed the notions, he zipped around the corner, triumphantly brandishing the measuring tape.  “I found it, HA, HA, HAAAAA!” 

Why we always have to make a competition out of everything, I don’t know.  But it makes life fun and I hope we still are at age 90 with my walker and his riding machine.  Because my knees are gonna last WAY longer than his.

Backing out of JoAnne’s, “Do you have a Dacron pillow?”  Jim asks.  He’s quoting one of our family’s favorite movies, “What About Bob?”

Not that there were any Dacron pillows in the fabric store, mind you. 

Just Jim being random.

Lost in the grocery

Dashing in the grocery store, we picked up a few things and split up after a couple of aisles.  Now Jim does not like to let me out of his sight in a store because I have a tendency to lose him pretty fast and he ends up wandering from one end to the other tracking me down.  But sometimes he gets ahead of me and doesn’t realize it. 

I found I’d forgotten something back at the front of the store and darted back that way.  Five minutes later, he grabbed my arm, “How’d you make it ALL THE WAY back over here?! I’ve been all over this store looking for you and I thought SURELY you wouldn’t go back where we came from!” 

I giggled. 

His reactions are just so dramatic and hilarious.

Beach-side dining

That evening we dined at a favorite local beach side restaurant to catch the sunset.  

Backing out of our rather tight parking spot he commented, “Here we go – watch him work.”  I began noticing that he usually has something funny to say as he either backs out, pulls out.  He doesn’t even know he’s saying this stuff half the time.

“I love being a law abiding citizen and going 17 1/2 miles an hour” he quipped. 

    
This is the speed limit in our little gated community.  True story.

The sunset was lovely and the kites were still out!

Busch Gardens, Tampa

The next day, we went to Busch Gardens. I shot a video of kangaroos and sent it to the kids

Kid:  Are you guys at BUSCH GARDENS?!

Me:  No, we’re in Australia.

Kid:  You guys STINK.

We took all the kids about 10 years ago, pulling a 37 foot camper all over Tampa behind a recently wrecked Suburban.  Later, the discovery was made that we’d been dangerously close to a part coming loose and obliterating our lives.  It was a great time. 

I took more videos for the kids.  They recognized the park and enjoyed the tour.  

    
I grew up hating roller coasters, but when the kids grew old enough to ride, I decided to bite the bullet and not be a pansy.  We’ve had a lot of fun traveling to theme parks and sharing scary rides.  I’m so glad I decided to not be a fun sucker.  So many funny memories. 

My heart always feels like it’s in my throat as we make the slow ascent to the top, knowing the bottom is about to fall out and praying my seat gear keeps me intact. 

One particularly challenging coaster sped up at certain times during the ride before slinging us upside down or around a steep curve.  I screamed through the entire thing like my life depended on it.  Jim said he’d never heard me scream like that in my life.

“After you let out that first squall, the guy behind us busted out laughing and he never stopped the whole time!” I snapped a picture and a video for the kids as we coasted to a stop.

(That’s the guy with his head down behind Jim).  I told my daughter about the guy and she said, “Yeah, he was laughing in your video too when you said ‘I just screamed my guts out'”.

When we checked out the park picture, he was back there grinning.

See?  You can tell Jim is too.  Be warned if you ever ride the Cheetah Hunt. 

Thankful for my Valentine

That was such a fun weekend. 

I’m so glad I decided to come out of mourning about my near-empty nest and enjoy my husband.  We did a lot of the same things that we’d done on our honeymoon 27 years ago.  Only it was Busch Gardens, Williamsburg, Virginia on that trip.  And I’m pretty sure I didn’t ride any roller coasters.  Whaddya know – I’m even more fun now!

 After a bite to eat, we turned right down our road.  “Right turn, Clyde – hey, why are you laughing?”  

“Because, you always say that and I never know what it means.”

“You know – Clint Eastwood, ‘Every Which Way But Loose’ – Clyde was an orangutan, I tell you that every time, don’t you remember that?!”

Uhhhhh….no.  Guess I need to start paying attention.

Urban Dictionary:  “Right turn clyde”:  What you say when you want someone to hang a right.  Came from the Clint Eastwood movie, “Every Which Way But Loose” where Clint’s character had a pet orangutan named Clyde. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, my husband.

Thank you for loving me through all the times I didn’t listen.

Thank you for not ditching me through my very un-fun mourning-the-empty-nest period. 

And thank you for sticking with me until I decided to ride rollercoasters with you.  Our life together has been a lot like one big roller coaster – with me screaming through most of it. 

You is kind, you is smart, you is important. 

And I love you.