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Mad Mom Makeover series

Do you need to resolve deep-seated anger? The Mad Mom Makeover series features eight special guest bloggers writing on the topic of “mom anger” and how to cope with those “blow it” moments!

These dear moms offer words of encouragement, support, and wonderful tips for when that old temper flares!

Today’s post features my wise friend Melanie from MelanieRedd.com, a mom of one girl and one boy, both in college; she is in the same phase of life as me! Mel has a powerful ministry with women of all ages, including myself.

Welcome, Melanie!

*This may contains affiliate links.   You may view my policies here.

How to effectively resolve deep-seated anger

It was the craziest thing.

I hadn’t really even noticed it before… until that morning at church.

It was actually something my husband observed.

Every time a certain man’s name was mentioned, I would make a face. He was a long-time friend, fellow church member, and a really nice guy.

However, we’d had an encounter over 20 years prior in which he had been very unkind to me. Although I hadn’t realized it, I’d held onto a grudge against this man.

I was angry at him, and I didn’t even know it.

For 20 years, I’d allowed a root of bitterness to grow in my heart toward this man.

Quietly, I’d been seething with deep-seated anger.

And, on that Sunday morning, my facial expressions gave it all away.

My husband simply asked, “Did you know that your face gets contorted and angry-looking each time someone mentions his name?”

(I honestly had no idea.)

But, now that the “cat” was out of the bag, I had to acknowledge my anger and complete dislike for this man.

It had been stuffed down really deep, but now it was showing all over my face. And, I had to own up to it and begin to let it go!

>>>Also see Why can’t I stop yelling?  (Mama has a short fuse!)<<<

What the Bible says about deep-seated anger

The Bible never tells us that anger is a sin, but we are encouraged to be angry without sin.

Ephesians 4:26 states it this way,

“If you are angry, do not let it become sin. Get over your anger before the day is finished.”

 

It seems that initial anger is not the sin; it’s a normal reaction, a regular emotion.

When we let our anger and our hurt stick around for more than one day – it starts to cause other problems.

It starts to produce other issues.  And it becomes deep-seated anger.

In a matter of a few days, weeks or months, anger can take over our lives and start producing ugly side effects.

So, why not be free from that deep-seated anger?

Why not allow God to drain that anger in our lives?

Christian author and teacher Gary Smalley shared the most practical advice for unloading unresolved anger in his book Making Love Last Forever.

I have used this advice many times and found it to be so helpful. I hope you will as well.

Here are Dr. Smalley’s steps to unloading unresolved anger:

1) Define the real offense.

What’s got you so mad? (Be specific and honest).

2) Allow yourself to grieve.

Admit the hurt that you really feel. Cry it out. Write it out. Exercise it out. Let yourself feel the hurt and grieve over it.

3) Try to understand your offender.

Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand why they might have done this thing. Try to see things from their perspective in order to better understand their hurts and life situation.

4) Release your offender.

Give them to God and let them go. Quit holding them responsible for your happiness or lack of it.

5) Look for pearls in the offense.

What good can come from this? How might God use this hurt in your life? What can you learn from this? This is not easy, but you can find the silver lining in these clouds.

6) Put your feelings in writing.

Write them a letter that you will never mail. Write them an email that you will not send. Journal about how this made you feel. This act of writing out your feelings will let some of the anger out.

7) Reach out to your offender.

Do something kind and loving for this person who has hurt you. You may not be able to do this right away, but you could start by praying for this person.

One more idea for deep-seated anger

One other suggestion that Dr. Smalley makes in his book is to pray and ask God to “drain” your deep-seated anger.

If you can’t seem to let it go, ask God to act like a spiritual plumber.

Invite Him to bring His spiritual roto-rooter into your heart and pull out the clogs of anger that are stealing the flow of joy in your life.

Don’t forget this word about anger

Looking back to the Word once more, consider Ephesians 4:26 from The Message:

“Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—

but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge.

And don’t stay angry.

Don’t go to bed angry.

Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.”

Maybe the greatest reason to deal with anger is so that we will not give Satan a foothold in our lives.

Anger will get a hold in our lives and produce some really ugly “fruit.”

I know.

I held onto mine for over 20 years.

That was 20 years too long!

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So, what do you think?

~ Are you a “stuffer” like me?

~ How do you deal with your anger?

~ Is there anyone you need to forgive and release today?

I always enjoy hearing from you!

*Making Love Last Forever is available online and at most fine bookstores. The only excerpts from the book are the numbered steps 1-7 to releasing anger. All other words, concepts, and ideas are paraphrases and/or my own ideas.

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Melanie Redd’s Bio:

Blogger, author, speaker, encourager and teacher, Melanie’s passion is to offer HOPE! Married to Randy for 25 years; the couple enjoys travel, eating out, and hanging out with their two college-aged kids. You can read more from Melanie on her blog at www.melanieredd.com.

Connect with her here:

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Control your temper and get support!

In Count to Nine, moms discover a Scripturally sound, methodical approach for taming the temper. Ruthie Gray, mother of four and grandparent of two, gently guides frazzled mothers of all ages toward God’s Word, His view on anger, and the nine steps to overcoming wrath.

In this ebook, you will learn

*The surprising reasons behind your anger

*The mind-blowing truth of God’s view on anger

*One eye-opening tactic for changing your reactions

*How the staggering power of unbelief can keep you from change

*How to triumph through one key attitude adjustment

*How to gain victory over a life-long stronghold

*And much, much more!

The author, Ruthie Gray, transparently shares her own motherhood struggles, instantly connecting with moms through her “been there” approach. Moms will find victory, new hope, and support through this encouraging method of actionable Scripture verses and Scripture prayers.

Dear mom, isn’t it time for you to Count to Nine?