How to get your senior citizen discount without asking

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Getting Older

Exiting the drive-thru, he stared, dumbfounded, at the coins in his hand – and then it dawned on him.

“Oh no ughhhh!” my husband groaned, flipping the Dunkin’ Donuts receipt, “She just said, ‘And I included your discount’ – I just realized what that means!  She thinks I’m a senior citizen! I can get a senior citizen discount.”

Of course, I chuckled and texted the kids.  But the truth is, we’re just two years shy of qualifying.

Senior Citizen Discount Consolers:  nice, or nasty?

Truly, are we supposed to be happy about this?  It’s like everyone’s trying to soften the blow with patronizing gestures.

“Sorry you’re old now – here’s 35 cents.”

“You’re 55 already?  Too bad – you get half price on a second Kentucky Fried Chicken Five-Dollar-Fill-Up.”

“Lookie what you got – double coupons from Kroger on Tuesdays!”

Thanks a lot, world.  Nice try.

So, here’s the deal:  we never thought we’d get old.  I don’t know why – it happens to other people, but when you’re busy herding cats I mean raising 4 kids, you don’t realize you’re aging until you’re there. And then, one day you look in the mirror and think, “Why does my neck look like oozing tree sap?”

Moreover, gravity ain’t kind, y’all. Especially for us senior citizens.

In my youth, I teased my parents about reserving their room at the local nursing home.  I was also guilty of teasing the older and wiser crowd about age, grey hair, and forgetfulness. I was also guilty of acting like a senior citizen.

Now my kids do it to me.

At my 50^th birthday party (sponsored by my gloating husband who is four months my junior), my 20-year-old nephew hugged me and said, “Just look at it this way – you’re halfway to one hundred!”

The little twit.

Someday when he’s 50 and I’m 80 I’m going to remind him of that.

These are the people who made me a senior citizen early. I got you, fam.

Leftover Resentment

Perhaps I still have a bit of leftover resentment from my black-ballooned 50th, because I couldn’t resist a jab at my lamenting husband as we sipped our discounted coffee.  I quipped perkily, “you know, no one’s ever assumed that about me.”

He braked at the stoplight, casting a darted glance my way.

But I know what he’s thinking because my man’s all about pinching pennies; we could actually make this work in our favor and get all those patronizers back.

We don’t have to wait two more years to use the senior citizen menu at Bob Evans if we don’t want to.  If we’re going to LOOK like senior citizens, then by Jove, we’re gonna ACT like it.

Thanks a lot, world!

Senior citizen game on.

(See ya tomorrow, Dunkin’ Donuts.)

PS For those of you afraid we’re going to rob the system now, this is a humorous post, meant to bring a chuckle, not inflict wrath.  I’m only half kidding about using my tree sap wrinkles to my advantage…

In case you’re worried about wrinkles now.

How to get your senior citizen discount without asking.