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You know that perfect mom that has it all together, always looks terrific in her size 4 jeans, perfect hair and makeup? 

That mom with the cute kids dressed in designer wear and the Ray Ban-clad husband with the muscular frame?

Her house is always spotless, tastefully decorated, and she usually has a new picture or accent every time you visit. 

She has the perfect life, doesn’t she – the one you wish you had.   

Why can’t you be more like her and less like your frumpy self? Click To Tweet

Back up.  I want to tell you a little secret: 

she doesn’t have the perfect life. 

That’s the perfect mom myth.

The dream

When I was a young mother, I wanted to be that mom. 

My dream was for my kids to remember me cleaning the kitchen floor with a toothbrush after every meal, having just served a sumptuous dinner which was enjoyed by everyone. 

They would fancy me the prettiest, most fashionable mother, who also was their best friend and mentor. 

The reality

What they got was a slightly plump mom with Albert Einstein morning hair who struggled to clean the house once a week, threw important school papers in the garbage, and left dirty dishes in the sink most nights.  

I wasn’t the homeroom mother at school because I had enough trouble keeping up with my own four kids, let alone a class of 20. 

I yelled at my kids out of anger, grouched  in the mornings, and made the same things for dinner every week.  I constantly second guessed myself –  parenting skills, housekeeping habits,  social activities – always doubting I was doing it right. 

Nevertheless…

Somehow I raised four wonderful children who turned out to love their parents and be a positive contribution to society. 

They enjoy spending time with me and asking for advice. 
They are self-motivated and know how to set and reach attainable goals. 

They each have skills and talents that they use as outlets to express themselves and benefit others. 

How do you reconcile those last two paragraphs? 

How do you raise successful children who care about others and try to do what’s right while being an imperfect person who struggles to get her own act together?

3.  Study your children

Every parent goes through a period where at least one of their children is a bit difficult, and each child usually has at least one challenging stage of life.

This is where great wisdom and self-control must be at the forefront. 

Decide whether it’s just a preference – something that gets on your nerves but is perhaps not worth the battle (possibly a personality conflict because you see your  own weaknesses in that child), or if it’s really an issue that needs corrected. 

This may come up continually during the day, weekly, or monthly, depending on the child and the stage.  It’s a mind game, and I suggest staying on your knees for guidance!  I sure did!

How the perfect mom myth plays out

Let’s revisit that perfect size 4 mother and her family. 

Let me say right now that I do not believe every family that appears this way has major problems. 

But a wise mother once told me that I’d better look deeper if I thought people like that had it all. 

And she was right, as I have observed down through the years. 

Sometimes that mama is hurting far deeper than anyone realizes and she is coping the only way she knows best.

Broken marriages, failed commitments, and dysfunctional families are sometimes the result. 

Don’t ever think that anyone is immune to hurt or pain, just because they look like they have it all together, and don’t be jealous or shy away from her. 

More likely than not, she needs a friend as badly as you do.  She has her own set of problems just like everyone else. 
We mothers need to get off our pedestals and extend grace to one another, and sometimes the person that needs the most grace is that mama you see in the mirror. 

Give yourself permission to forgive yourself, regroup, and move on. Click To Tweet