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Today’s “Dear Mom” question comes from Tiffany Fannin, a young mom, attorney, and dedicated bargain hunter who blogs at Bright on a Budget about style, beauty, and life!
Dear mom,
In public, where do you draw the line between disciplining and letting it go?
Once when my oldest was 4, she threw a screaming fit right in the middle of the grocery store. It wasn’t typical behavior for her, and we were quite bewildered. My husband took her out of the store to deal with her behavior so I could finish shopping.
Fast forward 23 years. Ironically, I was in the grocery store with her son (my grandson), the Tiny (two-year-old) Tornado last evening when he had a melt down over a race car. My husband had just bought him a small toy truck at Cracker Barrel, but when he saw the “race tars!” and we by-passed them for the freezer aisle, He lost it.
He cried all through the store. When we finished shopping and returned him to his parents, he started up again and we could still hear him as we checked out.
The difference between these two scenarios is that one kid was screaming and the other was sobbing.
Dear Mom - your question answered each Friday! Share on X
Uncompromising behavior
Screaming, flinging, smacking, kicking, or yelling should never be tolerated in public and must be dealt with immediately. If not, the behavior will continue. Even though it’s inconvenient and you may have to leave the store, teaching your child to behave in public is just as important as teaching him at home.
Because if he knows he can get away with it in public, then baby – he’s got you!
Compromising behavior
As for the sobbing Tiny Tornado, he was just sad, and it was a grocery store (where people can escape from the wailing down another aisle). He wasn’t disobeying or being mean, he’s just two and two-year-olds don’t always understand when mom says no. He was also tired at the end of the day. But the important lesson is that he didn’t get that car and won’t get a car every time he goes to the grocery store.
How can I know when to discipline in public and when to let it go? Share on X
Wrapping it up:
1.) What are your surroundings?
If you’re shopping, you can stop and correct the behavior – adjusting discipline according to the offense. If it’s somewhere that requires quiet (such as church) but he’s screaming, it’s best to take him out.
2.) Is the behavior deliberate disobedience?
Disobedience must be dealt with in public, even if it means you leave the public area to discipline your kid.
3.) Is it a smaller offense that can wait till later?
If so, and the child moves on from that behavior, make sure you revisit it at home and talk about why he needs to keep said behavior reined in next time – or there will be consequences.
4.) Is your child tired?
If junior has skipped nap time or been up since 5:00 AM, there’s a good chance he’ll have a melt down. Give grace in these situations – after all, you need grace for your blow it moments too!
Always remember to pray for wisdom. Study your child, watch for manipulation in public, and stand your ground on unacceptable behavior. Learn to pick your battles and when to save discipline for later.
Consistent discipline is extremely important or our children will become confused about boundaries. Even though it’s a lot of work now, you’ll be glad you did later!
*If you have a “Dear Mom” question, I’d love to hear it! reply in the comments below!
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I saw Tif’s question on FB. This is a good idea Ruthie to do each week. Couldn’t agree more with your answers. I remember too the grocery store meltdowns very well. I even remember leaving my whole cart of groceries left behind to deal with a tantrum, out in our car. Yes, inconvenience, but so very necessary to set the boundaries and have a teachable moment.
Thanks, girlfriend. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time but you know how time gets away from us! Everyone has grocery store meltdown stories! This is something all moms can relate to – her question was very good! Moms need to know that the most important thing is not buying groceries, it’s shaping children’s character. :)
Thank you for your wise advice. It’s always nice to hear more about the battles to choose!
So glad you found it helpful! It’s very hard to know sometimes, but God is faithful to lead!
Great advice Ruthie. I love that there’s not a right and wrong reason here, but a “it depends…” option. Because kids and their temperament vary, as well as their surroundings and how they react, we parents have to decipher what is best way to right their behavior. The important thing is we teach them the right lessons at the right time. Thanks so much for such an informative post. Saying hello from Tuesday Talk :)
Hi Maria! So good to see you here! Yes there are lots of factors involved and it takes much wisdom (maintaining an attitude of prayer helps) to figure it out. God grants wisdom as we go – that’s the good news! Thanks for stopping over. :)
Every time mine throws a fit in public, I have a tendency to get embarrassed or angry. These are some great tips for when to nip it and when to let it go. Thanks for sharing! I found your link on waiting on Wednesday link up.
So nice to connect with you – love your handle! Yes, it’s difficult for sure but God grants wisdom as we seek from other moms and pray His Word! I didn’t know I was on that link up – perhaps a friend shared! I’ll have to look it up! Have a great weekend! :)